Literally go with the flow.. That has been the lead words of the last week… After the course in india I meet up with carlos in Bangkok and we travelled to an island called koh chang… The Island in itself wasn’t very nice (might be better on the eastern side) very touristic and boomed with resorts and white fat Russians.. But we manage to find El Greco a greek restaurant/guesthouse/ bar that a guy called Costas owned together with his thaiwoman. They wanted a promotional video so we stayed with them for 3 nights, enjoying the life at the pier, beach and amazing greek food together with the filming of course.
I had a bit of anxiety though and couldn’t really relax cause I know the Spa therapist education waited around the corner in Chaing Mai… My stomach feeling told me not to go, but I told myself that if you want something you have to work for it. So I bought the ticket and headed of on an 8 hour long trip to Bangkok. On the bus suddenly I started to feel really sad, like that everything lacked meaning and I felt I didn’t at all wanted to learn anything. Suddenly my life felt very square and planned, I know compared to a “normal” life it is not… But I realized since this summer I haven’t stopped, I just had one goal; develop my retreat and grow in my yoga profession. The course in India also related to yoga, and the massage course again, about the body… Suddenly I felt bored of the whole thing and that I was having the same “find yourself” conversations over and over again… I felt I couldn’t stand another month with likeminded people. I love colours, colours means contrast and contrast makes life more beautiful. Misunderstand me right I love yoga, I love soul searchers but it can always get to much of the good! Always walk the holy middleway… So in the bumpy road on the way to Bangkok (which took forever to cross due to the demonstrations… ) I decided not to go… I called Carlos who still was in Koh Chang and declared I had a lifecirse!
In Bangkok everything stinks , rats running over the streats, westerners getting drunk, everywhere I see an artificial promise to temporary happiness , witness the worst of humanity, the walls of my stinking hotel room shrinks I see danger everywhere falseness in every smile.. Want to scream, want to escape my mind and my body… Trying to meditate… breath.. No nothing helps… Suddenly I feel completely ungrounded like my soul left me in India and I am a ghost wandering around. I call my family; they are having dinner with the whole family… Miss them so much it hurts… I call Carlos telling how I feel, he says he promise he will leave as soon as he can and come the day after…
The day after I feel a bit more like myself again, I sit for 1 hour and practice naadi shodana and when Carlos comes he is just as crazy as I was the day before ( really believe that in Bangkok there is some really funky energy that drives people insane!) We trying to make a completely new plan out of our lives so after hours of research and discussion we decide to leave. 2 o’clock in the morning we book flights to Manila, Philippines… Life begins were your comfort zone ends…
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